Love Deficit

I have come to realize of late that no amount of love is ever enough from the people you are attached to. Every relationship functions on this basic notion of a love deficit. Sometimes we play the giver and sometimes the taker. Dynamics change and the form of expressing love changes but the trade of love and affection continues and in its constant ebb and flow keeps a relationship alive. By these standards I am definitely in the Greece category.

Like every trade we keep our little brown book of numbers. Times someone hurt us or didn't live up to our expectations go in red and times when we were swept off our feet go in green. However, unlike all other accounts these numbers never balance each other out. Some remain in the green no matter how little trade there is and some... Sometimes the account closes abruptly when someone defaults. Sometimes we learn not to trade with these people or live in hope of evening out this default someday. 

I feel very blessed to have the love accounts I have. Strangely, though I always feel like I need more and more love I have come to realize that the people in my life who matter are currently all in green. Time to stop being a net importer and start exporting I guess :) 

25 Things My Friends Know About Me

I am turning 25 soon! Just did this on a whim... 


1. I got my hair completely curled at the age of 5 - it was my birthday gift that year. I dont know why my mom allowed it.

2. I went to boarding school from the age of 4-15. Now the hair curling doesnt seem so shocking.

3. I have taken rabies shots without being bitten. Twice!

4. I still havent had my eyebrows done.

5. I can cook and I am a terror once I am in the kitchen.

6. The only place that I am completely at peace is my parents home.

7. I could speak 4 languages by the age of 4.

8. I was a really precocious reader and was reading Victor Hugo when I was 13. Lawrence Sanders at 11.

9. I lie about not having read Mills and Boons.

10. I love sports. I eat, sleep, dream and drink sports. If I am out of touch with sports for too long my energies find lots of destructive channels.

11. I had a horrible adolescence. I hated every moment of it and wouldnt give anything to go back.

12. I love reading. I actually set OKR's for myself when it comes to reading and have always exceeded them.

13. I want to go pick up my child from school at the end of the day and wear cotton sarees and buy her chat and drive back hearing her talk non-stop. (not in the next 8 years)

14. My ambitions have been- Miss Universe, Prime Minister, Archeologist, Pilot, Neurosurgeon, Anything, Something.

15. I love studying. I studied pure science in high school and loved calculus. I appeared for the AFMC (Armed Forces Medical College) examinations twice and didnt make it.

16. I am pretty vindictive and never forget anything. I am trying to get over that for the last 10 years.

17. I am a complete bengali at heart and love sad movies, sad songs, sad stories, fish and rice.

18. I never learn from my mistakes.

19. I was named after both my grandmoms - Gita and Anjali. I really like my name.

20. I miss my school days a lot- from the first day in school to the thursday and sunday lunches to the music times and the tuck time and the walks and the bornfires and last dinners and packing to go home.

21. I have been referred to as a "walking talking bundle of inappropriateness." I am. And I am trying to work on that too.

22. I was OCD'd as a kid and once took 3 hours to put on a pair of socks. My dad thinks I have graduated from socks to shoes nowadays.

23. I am sure I would be really happy with nothing to do in my life.

24. I love my teeth.

25. I have a whole lists of things that annoy me and a list of people I want to kill. Both of them are not yet exhaustive :)

Uprooted No More

Is how I am beginning to feel now. After two months of coasting along different cities and houses and couches I am beginning to feel a lot more rooted. Its a feeling I never associate myself with after the last 4 years of my life. I know that this is another short-lived stint in a new city but I am embracing it for now.

Other news: a very close friend of mine is probably going to make it to this country. It is all very very exciting. I am already planning parties in my head.

A lot has happened in the last two months some of which I still need time to think and assimilate. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not the girl in this ad but I am still pretty cool!