I got sad news from home today. My grandfather (only surviving grand parent) isn't doing too well. He fell down and fractured his foot and cannot have a surgery because his heart has a huge blockade. I fell into one of those moods that I dread. At 16, when I first moved away from my boarding school of 11 years and went to study in the city, a lot of things happened simultaneously. I lost it! Over the years I have done a decent job of gaining a lot of my self confidence back and feel stronger than I ever did before. But incidents like these shake me to the core.
Knowing that I never had enough time with my family. Knowing that no amount of time will ever be enough. These are hard things to face. Why does life always have trade-offs? My heart wants to go home after graduation and spend time with my Dad in the wilderness of North-East India and visit my mountain home and boarding school and go swimming for hours. But my head pushes me in a direction so completely alien to me that it almost does not feel like its in the same body as my heart.
Also it makes me question the legitimacy of my decisions so far. Did I make the right decision in coming away so far and risking a great relationship and watch it being tested time and time again? Should I continue to strive for a career that involves being far away from everything that I love so much?
P.S. On a lighter note- received a blast from the past today. Story of my life! At least this one was good looking ;)
