I went to boarding school when I was 4 till I was 16. The first day my parents left me I had no idea what I was up against. I imagined they would be back to get me after dinner but that didn't happen. Then I thought I was in some sort of hotel and they would come back the next day - that didn't happen either. The next time I saw my parents I had completely forgotten to communicate in my mother tongue. I could still comprehend conversations but had lost the ability to respond in Bengali. Then I went home for a holiday and came back to school. This time I knew what I was in for. However, I also remember trying to be so strong and never crying in front of my parents but waiting till they left. The one thing in those days that always stood out to me was the ceiling in school. At home we had flat ceilings and since my school was in the mountains the ceilings were wooden and slanted. I remember the utter feeling of desperation when I would wake up at 6 in the morning to the bell and seeing the slanted ceiling. Some nights I would dream that I was at home and upon waking up the ceiling would be shake me back to reality.
Then I moved away from home and started working. These dreams still continued though they were less frequent and I kept waking up to reality. However, in the last one year the dreams have almost completely stopped. I realize that even recreating home in my head has become too painful. However, today in the afternoon, after brunch with my flat mates family I came back and took a short nap (aftermath of the Saturday night shenanigans.) Its getting really hot in DC and today was about 85 degrees at home. So I woke up with a big smile thinking that I was in India. And then... I looked at the ceiling. After 21 years I felt exactly what I had felt as a 4 year old on March 12, 1991.
Then I moved away from home and started working. These dreams still continued though they were less frequent and I kept waking up to reality. However, in the last one year the dreams have almost completely stopped. I realize that even recreating home in my head has become too painful. However, today in the afternoon, after brunch with my flat mates family I came back and took a short nap (aftermath of the Saturday night shenanigans.) Its getting really hot in DC and today was about 85 degrees at home. So I woke up with a big smile thinking that I was in India. And then... I looked at the ceiling. After 21 years I felt exactly what I had felt as a 4 year old on March 12, 1991.
