Of late a lot of my girl friends have been going through phases. It goes something like this:
Found him
Met him twice
Got over him
Of course being girls it is not as simple as all that. I should know! In those three phases we give away such a huge part of ourselves that it takes a while to salvage all the broken pieces together. I had a cardinal rule book when it came to men. Here are some of the rules in the book:
1. Never ever feel bad for a boy. This is the trickiest one. We women are so easily drawn into men who have some kind of story from their past. It could be ex-lovers, disinterested parents, bad friends, drug habits even. Once while discussing the type of guy we fall for a friend of mine declared that her type was the loser . Its not much of a surprise when you know that women do have a nurturing tendency and this type just draws you in. Also, remember that boys rarely feel bad for themselves. They dust themselves and walk away from whatever it is that got them down. So us wasting time going... "awww.. but he is that way because so and so did so and so in the past" is the biggest waste of our time ever. Don't give him a patient hearing. Ask him to man up. Don't bother with his sob stories. Definitely don't take chicken soup to his house if he comes down with one of his man colds. Where are his guy friends for crying out loud?
2. Do not date damaged goods. Its going to take while to realize that he is damaged goods. But what I am saying is if he is the brooding intellectual, moody genius, angry young man... stay clear - unless you liked Jennifer O' Connolly's life in A Beautiful Mind. Unless the guy makes you laugh and brightens up your day he is really not worth holding on to - even for another second.
3. You are NOT going to change him. So when he says he is a bastard repeatedly - take him at face value. Its his way of saying - I am a bastard and nothing will make me change, not even you. Kiss him on his cheeks and take your heart and run!
4. Finally be honest about what you want. If you want a relationship - let him know. If you see his knees visibly shaking you will know what to do. If you want to see where it goes- let him know that too.. men probably love girls like you. If you just wanna have fun - make sure you take every precaution in the world. Physically and emotionally!
5. If you are looking for your Prince then kiss all the frogs you want. But remember if all you seem to come across are toads you are probably in the wrong pond!
I am no expert by any standards but if I had to one day tell my daughter really quickly the lessons I learned after 7 years of dating this is what I would tell her.
Found him
Met him twice
Got over him
Of course being girls it is not as simple as all that. I should know! In those three phases we give away such a huge part of ourselves that it takes a while to salvage all the broken pieces together. I had a cardinal rule book when it came to men. Here are some of the rules in the book:
1. Never ever feel bad for a boy. This is the trickiest one. We women are so easily drawn into men who have some kind of story from their past. It could be ex-lovers, disinterested parents, bad friends, drug habits even. Once while discussing the type of guy we fall for a friend of mine declared that her type was the loser . Its not much of a surprise when you know that women do have a nurturing tendency and this type just draws you in. Also, remember that boys rarely feel bad for themselves. They dust themselves and walk away from whatever it is that got them down. So us wasting time going... "awww.. but he is that way because so and so did so and so in the past" is the biggest waste of our time ever. Don't give him a patient hearing. Ask him to man up. Don't bother with his sob stories. Definitely don't take chicken soup to his house if he comes down with one of his man colds. Where are his guy friends for crying out loud?
2. Do not date damaged goods. Its going to take while to realize that he is damaged goods. But what I am saying is if he is the brooding intellectual, moody genius, angry young man... stay clear - unless you liked Jennifer O' Connolly's life in A Beautiful Mind. Unless the guy makes you laugh and brightens up your day he is really not worth holding on to - even for another second.
3. You are NOT going to change him. So when he says he is a bastard repeatedly - take him at face value. Its his way of saying - I am a bastard and nothing will make me change, not even you. Kiss him on his cheeks and take your heart and run!
4. Finally be honest about what you want. If you want a relationship - let him know. If you see his knees visibly shaking you will know what to do. If you want to see where it goes- let him know that too.. men probably love girls like you. If you just wanna have fun - make sure you take every precaution in the world. Physically and emotionally!
5. If you are looking for your Prince then kiss all the frogs you want. But remember if all you seem to come across are toads you are probably in the wrong pond!
I am no expert by any standards but if I had to one day tell my daughter really quickly the lessons I learned after 7 years of dating this is what I would tell her.
